Old people Sex

There's an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement
home. The old man says to the woman, "For five dollars, I'll have sex
with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I'll have sex
with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I'll take you to my room,
light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you'll
never forget."

The woman considers it a moment and then, after fishing through her
purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. The man says, "So, you want the
romantic night in my room, eh?"

The woman replies, "No, I want four times in the rocker."

Killing Flies

A wife walked into the kitchen to find her husband on the prowl stalking around with a fly swatter
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Kill any?" She asked.
"I sure have, 3 males , 2 Females," he replied.
"Wow, how can you tell them apart?"
His response, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

An old man digging potatoes

An old man named Billy Bob lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his garden for his potato crop but it was very hard as the ground was hard. His only son John, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear John, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me. Love,Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad, For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES! Love, John
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, John